Thursday, May 15, 2014

6 Months Ago Today...

*This post is late due to unexpected internet problems*

I decided to make some life changes...
all for the good...
but they've taken me away from crafting and blogging...
visiting y'all...
as much as I kind'a thought they would in the beginning.
If you decide to stick around...
you may want to grab a drink...
not a lot of pics but it's quite lengthy because now I'm ready to share just a little bit so that hopefully you'll understand...
and forgive me...
for being this horrible friend the last few months.

See...
it's been all about me.
I've done what every mom should do and very few actually do...
I put myself first.

I had to.

6 months ago...
while hubby and the boys were out...
the girls and I were home and I was in my crafty space working on something...
or I could have just been streaming Netflix...
I don't really remember but I would do that a lot...
claimed to be "working" when I was actually "watching"...*giggle*
but I do remember that something happened...
and I thought I was gonna die.
Now I admit I'm given to fits of drama on occasion...
I wouldn't be a good Southern daughter if I didn't inherit that gene...
but this wasn't drama.
My heart started racing...
my head felt like it was about to explode and I was dizzy and faint...
I thought it was a heart attack.
Or a stroke.
I went and took a shower and was in bed when hubby came in and told him I wasn't feeling well.
And I also fully admit that I am not the greatest at going to the doctor...
I try to avoid them at all costs.
My kids?
That's different.
A runny nose and I'm dragging them in but me?
Nope.
I only go when I think I'm dying.
Seriously...
it's how I found out I was preggers with Robert.
It was late New Year's Day and I thought my gallbladder had exploded and I was gonna die...
and when I get to the ER they tell me I'm pregnant!
Which this story is one for another day because I promise you have never heard a pregnancy story like this one but I'm not here for it today...
it's just an example of how I only go to the doctor when I think I might possibly be dying.
And 6 months ago I thought I was.

So I make it through the night and the next morning I go to the local clinic because again...
I didn't have an actual doctor...
and they told me I have high blood pressure.
Now...
I have a family history of high blood pressure...
my daddy's family...
every single one of them has problems and takes medications...
have for years.
My sister has been on high blood pressure meds for at least 10 years...
and she's only a year older than I am...
my mom...
her family...
but my sister and my mom's family also have thyroid issues which contributes to their BP...
so the clinic put me on meds and ran tests...
including for my thyroid...
which I really figured that when the tests came back they would show my thyroid all outta whack too and that would be the culprit of everything...
weight gain...
blood pressure...

Nope.

Do you know what it's like to argue with someone who thinks they're giving you good news?
"All your tests are normal, Mrs. Lynch...
you're absolutely healthy".
"What about my thyroid?"
"It's normal"
Are you sure?"
"Yes, ma'am'. Absolutely normal".
"Check it again!"
"Yes, ma'am, it's still normal."

I will apologize ahead of time for my French...
but what do you say when you find out that unlike everyone you know who claims to have thyroid issues to explain everything not-limited-to-but-mostly-including-weight-issues wrong with them BUT you're actually very healthy...
you're just apparently fat and lazy?
I'm gonna tell you what I said...
"S@#%!"

And on November 15th I made a promise to myself that I was going to change my life.

A few years ago you may remember that I fell with my daughter as we were coming in and while I didn't think it at first...
I actually did bust both of my knees...
if you weren't around back then...
you can read about it here...
but that was the cliff that I didn't slowly descend so much as took a flying leap off of.
It was the beginning that led me to November 15th.
I couldn't get around very well and it just got worse as time went on...
some mornings I could barely get out of bed my knees hurt so bad...
but I also didn't have time for surgery so I kept on...
I just wasn't as active as I once had been.

And then in 2013 after Christmas Hunter started riding a bus to school.
In the 10 years since she had started attending The School for the Blind...
every morning hubby would drive her to school on his way to work...
I would drive up and pick her up in the afternoons and then head back home to pick up all the other kids.
I was always in my car...
on the road...
in heat...
rain...
snow.
Well...until I wrecked a few years ago going to pick her up in a storm...
and if you're ever passing through Nashville in the Eastbound lane at the Charlotte Pike exit...
there's a chunk of that concrete divider wall that I took out at about 55 miles an hour...
so after that we don't send her if storms are forecast.
But after being the only day student from our county for 10 years now there were a couple more students and the county bought a new bus to transport them back and forth every day and suddenly...
my day was all mine.
All the kids were in school...
hubby was at work...
the only thing I had to do was get 3 of them less than 5 miles to the local elementary for school or to catch a bus to their school and my day was done.
At first it was so great...
I came in after dropping the kids and did laundry...
cleaned the house...
started reorganizing...
and had fresh baked snacks for everyone when they came home...
chocolate chip cookies...
brownies...
banana nut bread...
I was June Cleaver!
Then I realized I could actually grab an afternoon nap if I wanted...
it had been so long!
And then...
I realized that if I didn't get something done one day...
I could always do it the next...
or the next.
And of course the evolution of my discoveries was eventually going to bring me to the realization that I didn't actually have to wear clothes...
I could wear my jammies all day!
OMG...
I didn't have to wear a bra!!
This well endowed Southern girl whose mama tried SO hard to raise a lady was Mel Gibson yelling "FREEDOM" everyday... 
yup...
braless in her jammies!
Sorry for the TMI but at least I'm not providing pictures! *giggle*

And for me personally...
this was the root of all evils...
I had too much freedom.
For the first time in my life I wasn't in school...
at work...
taking care of kids...
my time was all my own and I could do whatever I wanted because I didn't have anyone to answer to.
So I did nothing.
And by November I was napping...
way more than any one person should and my health was about to give me a wake up call.

I want to point out that friends have asked me if I was depressed...
and I've thought about it...
I've thought a lot about what led me to all of this and I can honestly say I don't think I was depressed...
I was happy...
I was still "me" and didn't feel any different...
I just simply didn't want to wear a bra.

I know.
Go figure.

Now fast forward...
had the spell...
found out I couldn't blame my thyroid...
decided that day to make changes...
and have spent the last 6 months busy putting myself first.

I did get a doctor...
and found out that though I can't blame my thyroid...
I do have a hormonal condition that is actually the culprit for the elevated BP.
So while my sister inherited my mom's thyroid problems...
I got her hormonal problems.
It took quite a while...
and many tests and hospital stays to diagnose her...
and she believes she actually inherited it from her mom who when she was younger had very similar spells but yet that was long before they could diagnose this and they just kept piling on BP medication.
So while I occasionally need a little help with my BP due to those wonderful things called hormones...
overall I'm pretty healthy.
And I've spent the last 6 months getting there...
and I just want to point out before you see any pictures...
I'm not done.
I'm only about halfway through this and still have a long road ahead.
But first...
a pic of where I was a year ago.
One night in the kitchen Patrick snapped a pic as I was cooking dinner...
and since I'm windblown and I can tell it's a quickie meal I'm thinking we had just gotten in from the ball field...
I'm really nervous because he didn't even show it to me till recently and I cried because as bad as this one is...
it was taken last May so I know this is not me at my worst...
it got MUCH worse as the year went on...


SEE?!!!
OMGosh...
when he showed me this picture I just looked at him and said...
"HOW could you let this happen?!!!!"
And to clarify...
I wasn't blaming him for all of this...
but wanted to know how he could let me do this to myself and not say something!
How could he say he loved me if he was allowing me to slowly kill myself?
And his response is proof that love really is blind...
because he saw me...
everyday...
but he looked at me and said
"I didn't see it either."

Fast forward 1 year from when that pic was taken...
6 months since I started trying to regain control of my life...
my health...


No makeup and my hair isn't rockin' because it's pulled back into a ponytail because I've been at the gym...
and I am in NO WAY done with all of this...
but I'm hovering just above 35 lbs. down.
Counting calories...
exercising...
and hubby and I finally joined the gym and I started strength training and toning 3 weeks ago...
so I still have a long way to go...
but this is where I'm at right now.
I would like to lose another 15-20 pds...
and I'm flexible on that because I'm really not focused with a number on the scale...
my main objective right now is toning...
putting things back in their place.
This body has housed 4 kids...
2 of them at the same time...
and the last little squatter that took possession of it trashed the place!
There's a LOT of repair work to be done.
And I'm not trying to get back my 20 year old body...
I don't want to look 20...
even though I would love to feel...
and have the energy...
I did when I was 20!
No, this is about getting control of my life and health...
really and truly being "me" again.
Being the mom my kids deserve...
the wife my husband married.
Being healthy.


So this is what I've been doing.
This is what has taken my time...
and SO much of my energy.
I'm not lying to you when I say that over the last 6 months there have been many more nights where I've been in bed by 7-8pm than nights that have seen me up past then...
I'm physically exhausted everyday...
and since starting the gym...
I HURT.
Everyday.
There have been nights I have cried I hurt so bad...
but I get up and do it again the next day.
I'm finally able to see a little glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel...
and whether I'm at this for another 6 months...
or a year...
or longer...
I'm gonna finish this.

But after an unexpected break from being crafty...
and I truly never planned on taking it...
though in all honesty...
I think I needed it.
I needed to focus on my "life" versus my "hobby" for just a little while...
but I told hubby I'm really missing my "me" time.
And I've come to discover that as much as my body may need physical exercise to stay healthy...
I also need some "me" time.
To do something just 100% for fun...
something that brings me joy and pleasure.
Something creative that stretches my "mental muscles".
So expect to see me around here a little more than in recent months.
And expect to see me visiting you more often than I have been lately...
please forgive me for being such a horrible friend...
and I know I've missed so much that I'll never be able to catch up...
but I'm gonna try to have a better balance in my life.
Family...
health...
friends...
"me".

Hugs to all of you who have managed to make it this far!
I know it's not the normal "crafty" posts you may be used to...
and I can promise I'm not going to be turning this little piece of blog real estate into "Exercise Update" though...
you won't see pics or hear about exercise and workouts every week...
or even every month...
this is just a journey I'm on and while it still takes a lot of my time...
I felt like you deserved an explanation of why I disappeared for a while.

I will see you soon!



15 comments :

  1. Renee you are looking fabulous and congratulations on this life changing road you have taken and your weight loss! So proud of you . I always know you are there my sweet friend. Sending big hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Holy cow, Renee. What an amazing story and an incredible journey you have been on. I am in awe of you--your honesty, your resolve, your drive. You look amazing--I kinda knew where you were and what you have been doing, but those pictures say it all. You were beautiful before, but now you are beautiful and more healthy looking too. I had to laugh at your thyroid story, because my family also is full of thyroid disease. I am the only one without. And, I cannot tell you the number of times I have asked the docs to run some thyroid tests because I have gained weight, and the docs have cone back and said that my thyroid is time. Perhaps it is what you are eating... Looking forward to seeing more of you around. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I find it very inspirational and I'm sure others will, too. Hugs

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good for you for realizing you needed to step back and taking care of yourself! What a transformation! Keep up the GREAT work!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow...Renee, I am so proud of you and I am sure you are of yourself! What an amazing photo of you too, you look so wonderful and very healthy. I know it is not an easy road you are on, but I know that if you have come this far you will finish. Good for you for taking your life, health and family back! You are such an incredible inspiration my friend~

    ReplyDelete
  5. Renee, you look amazing!!! BIG congrats to you for taking control and making the hard, but awesome changes!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Congrats to you! You look amazing!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Good for you Renee. A truly inspiring post. Good luck with the future.

    ReplyDelete
  8. What a great story! Good on you! You're setting an awesome example for your kids, too - the importance of being healthy and looking after yourself. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I have said it before Renee: you are amazing! I loved reading your very honest and brave post ! I so get how you can ask your husband why he didn't say anything as the weight is coming on,I just asked that of my husband. Congratulations! I am so proud of you and the hard work you have put into saving yourself . You look amazing! You have inspired me to get on my elliptical right now ...not later! Hugs

    ReplyDelete
  10. Renee your story is amazing and I'm so glad you took the time to share it. I'm so happy you have made these life changes, and that you are getting your life back. You're right, it does take time...lots of time. But in the end it will be so worth it. Not just for you but for your hubby and your four beautiful children. You look amazing girl!! Keep up the hard work.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You go, girl...so proud of you! Oh my, that photo of you is soooo amazing! You are inspiring so many with your post, including ME! I have got to form a relationship with my new sneakers that are still gleaming in the box :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow, congratulations!! You look wonderful! I'm so proud of you for sticking with your goal. As always, I loved your post. I'm sure it has been a tough journey but so glad that you have made such great progress and are feeling so much better. Hugs to you, sweet friend!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Fabulous, Renee! You are an inspiration!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wow Renee - been there (with slightly different details!) my most recent weight gain was after some surgery when I stopped exercising (walking mostly) but I'm back on track (sort of) going to Weight Watchers at work (which works for me) and trying to do work-out cd's when I get home from work AND crafting - it is certainly a juggling act - and I'm so glad you caught yourself and nothing terrible is wrong with you! Everything in moderation! and hope you can get back into crafting as well! hugs to you my friend!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh my goodness, Renee, just came by to check out your blog and see what you've been up to and saw this story!! You've done a marvelous job bringing yourself to better health, which affects EVERYTHING else in life, and I'm really proud of you!! I dropped away from crafting for almost 2 years because of stress in my life, and when I addressed the stress the creativity came back. I wish you continued success and good health!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for stopping by...
I love all your sweet comments...
they mean so much to me!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...